“There is no other organ quite like the uterus. If men had such an organ, they would brag about it. So should we.” ― Ina May Gaskin, Ina May's Guide to Childbirth
The Birth of Angelo
I could feel his head lodged under my ribs as when we walked in for our 34 week appointment. Even though I knew what was coming, I burst into tears when she turned on the ultrasound machine and said "ah baby, you are upside down." My dream to attempt an unmedicated intervention free birth went out the window that day as I accepted the breech presentation of my baby. After trying all the things, (spinning babies, ECV, yoga) I told her I wanted to wait until the last minute to schedule a c-section because even though I was sure that would be his delivery method, I still wished it would be on his own terms. I got my wish.
Saturday
On Saturday, March 3, Joe and I went out for
what would be our last date as a family of 2. We had Korean food and then went to see Black Panther (RIP Chadwick) at the new lay-flat seating theater in Kailua. Thank goodness for that because about 15 minutes into the movie I was laying on my side breathing through bursts of pain as I looked at Joe and said, I think I may be in early labor!? I lost my mucus plug earlier that day, and I also had a surge of energy and cleaned the whole house, so it all added up for me. We went to sleep anyway. If I was still feeling these contractions in the morning we would call the doctor (who, of course, was on vacation) and see what she says.
Sunday
Around 4am I woke up in more pain and just spent the sunrise breathing and flowing on my pregnancy ball. After calling the doctor around 7am, she suggested we pack our stuff and head to the hospital, so we took quick showers and were on our way.
At 38 weeks 5 days with a breech baby, the nurses actually said they might have to send me home as they don't recommend a c-section before 39 weeks if its not an "emergency". But after a little contraction monitoring and checking my dilation, my doctor (who so amazingly came in during her vaca) said if I wanted to have my baby today, I could. They were leaving it up to me. So what does one do when offered the choice of becoming a Mother that day, or not? They call their Mother. From 6,000 miles away my Mom answered our FaceTime call to see me bed ridden in a hospital gown and we both broke into tears. She told us what we already knew, but for some reason it gave us the validation we needed in that moment, because that's the magic of being a Mom. So we hung up, looked at each other and said, "let's meet our baby."
"She told us what we already knew, but for some reason it gave us the validation we needed in that moment, because that's the magic of being a Mom."
A flurry of prep began almost immediately. One nurse asking me questions about the last meal I ate, while another was shaving my pubic hair, and another prepping my veins for an IV, legit all at the same time. Joe left to get our stuff from the car and it all became like a vivid dream I couldn't wake up from. My doctor walked in and I started crying, thanking her for taking time from her vacation, squeezing her hand to let her know her familiar face meant the world to me in that moment. After two attempts (I couldn't sit still!) they got the epidural in as my body started to numb from the waist down. Thankfully, they wait to hook up the catheter until the numbing sets in. Before I knew it, I was being wheeled into the OR.
Minutes feels like hours in the OR. You are told your baby will be born within minutes, but when those minutes drift by without his first cry or squeal, your mind wanders. But then “Can’t take my eyes off you” queued up on my playlist that I worked months on preparing. Joe squeezed my hand, tears poured down my cheeks as I looked at him and said through muffled cries “I’m just so excited.” I could barely get the words out through my sobs. The nurse had to remind me that I was still breathing for my baby and that’s all it took to calm me down. But then that glorious three letter word was shouted across the room..”OUT! 11:28” and I simultaneously felt his head come out from under my ribs where it had been nestled for so many weeks. Joe got to meet Angelo first as he had some trouble breathing, but then he brought our baby to me.
Angelo wasn't given to me straight from the incision in my abdomen as I had hoped. His head was a little stuck and it took them longer than expected to get him out. His APGAR was only a 2. They immediately brought him to the incubator to get him breathing, but luckily as Joe approached to cut the cord, he was crying out to us.
My perfect little 6lb 11oz baby was here! I got to snuggle him while I was being stitched up, but after a few minutes I began to feel faint, nauseous, and dizzy. I handed Angelo back to Joe and thats the last thing I remember until I woke up groggy in the recovery room. I am still a little unclear what happened, but they said it was something about coming down from all the meds, fentanyl, epidural etc..but all I remember is my back tightening up and I yelled out and pain and woke myself up. It was all very bizarre, but moments later, Joe was wheeling Angelo into the recovery room and I got to hold my baby again, this time fully awake and feeling much better.
We spent only 2 of our possible 3 nights in the hospital as we were anxious to get out of there as soon as possible. The nurses were beyond nice, helping us learn how to swaddle and diaper a baby, a lactation consultant came in and helped me get a better latch, and we even had a few visitors while there.
The whole birthing experience is so out of body you almost cant do anything to prepare for it. I feel lucky that I had some control over my experience and I felt respected most of the time. While the health of the baby is of the utmost importance, it certainly isn't the only thing that matters, and I am excited to start my journey to educate and help as many people as I can to understand birth matters, birthing people matter, and the experience and the journey matters.
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